10.16.2011

Mein Kamph

I want you all to understand..

there is a moment that happens
one second you are fine
the next.. you are unacceptable
and at first you dont see what you are doing
you dont understand whaT is happening to you
you take a drink, and then you drink yoour chaser
and the everything speeds up
its going so fast
youre trying to keep up,
but every thing, AND I MEAN EVERYTHING
is moving so fast
then all of a sudden, its moving so fast you cant keep up
then you think to yourself
"im here drinking, i know im drinking, and fuck yeah
give daddy a shot"
and you remember taking that shot
but you have no idea what happened afterwards...
black out
black out
black out
..then all of  a  sudden you remember.. something..
..but what?
You spent it, its done, its too late
everyone youve had sex with
you lose a part of you with them
and you leave a part of yourself with all of them
and who cares

you do!

but then what?
you drinkand at first it is whiskey
im sorry but whiskey makes me crazy

"whiskey makes you violent!"
well, my love, i shall never again ingest that terrible
 substance known as whiskey!

now i shall drink only the clear liquors
because of course!
THATS IT!!
the violent matter of my drinking problem
it means that everything is ok
because clear liquor is my messiah...


everything is perfect now
She loves me, I love her..
We are meant to be
...but what the fuck?  im acting the same way on
CLEAR liquors??
I should figure this out
because i am so smart
however far beknownst to me, she was already planning to leave
everything she had ever loved about me..
she left behind..

and im sitting wondering..
And im blaming her
that slut
that whore
Fuck her!
Walk away from me, whore!
Fuck you
but then i realized that i was the reason.
I was the reason she left, i do not deserve to live, i
definately didnt deserve her
and also, i don't deserve to live the way i treated her
My love
The love of my life, i would die to see you happy
But it will never happen
no matter what i do, i will only make her miserable..b
So i must walk away and hope for the best
for the both of us


Mylady i am so incredibly sorry for even a second of your life that
you were not happy

I wish we could be happy together, but the only way i would be happy is with you
and the only way you will be happy is if you aren't with me
So i'm sorry.. i wish not to hisnder your love and happiness,
but only to encourage it.. Please take me back
else, walk away and be happy with someone else, but i cannot handle
anything other than these options.
i dream of you being next  to me
and i dream of you being my wife
but i hold nothing against you for being part of neither..i love you, and i am sorry for bothering you
Goodbye love

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